Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
