hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
