I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Loading more great texts...