This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
