he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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