dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You pole danced in your parka.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
