Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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