I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
