im drinking this country out of the recession.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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