i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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