Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
