I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize