sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I want to fling myself into the sun
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
