did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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