I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
