What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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