Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Randomize
