So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
