when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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