for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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