Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
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All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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