drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
