Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
