I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
