and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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