pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
