As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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