I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
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I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
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The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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