it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
