For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
as a side note pls kill me
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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