i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm too high and old for this...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
