Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
