I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There's always time for handjobs
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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