Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
