Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
