i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
