Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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