I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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