my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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