Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
