I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
