Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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