so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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