i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He shit in the fireplace
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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