I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
