He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
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