in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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