I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
