the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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