i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
