hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
