what if every blade of grass was a penis?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
