I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
