She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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