Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
