They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
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You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
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