Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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