I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
