I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
