i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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