On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
