They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
