We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
