Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
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I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
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you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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