Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Green mimosas i think yes
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
