yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
