were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
