our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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