I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
