I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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