she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
