I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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