ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
