I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize