I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
