hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
